I’m not feeling very good.
My voice is going away, and I still need to unpack from Otafest.
My Elsa dress was…well it’s crap, and so I am going to put one together that isn’t a piece of Garbage. I cried a lot today, it was hard to pick myself up after such a disappointment, but I can’t dwell…
You know, nothing is quite as heartbreaking as seeing someone leave Otafest disappointed. It’s a rare occurrence and it really sucks when I see it happen.
I didn’t see your cosplays (mostly because I was running around doing exec things), but I don’t have to had seen them for what I’m about to tell you because I know the pain of being critical of something self-made, especially after seeing other people’s renditions of the same thing.
I’m extremely proud of you for having come out, it takes so much courage to put yourself out there, especially when you’re showcasing something you put together. It’s an extremely vulnerable position to put yourself in and there’s a big chance of someone not appreciating the amount of work you put in but you got up, put it on, and wore it to the con. You stepped up to the plate and that speaks volumes about the amount of character you have within you. Never lose that, it’s part of what makes you an amazing human being. This is important, you’re a human being; You’re bound to make a blunder here and there and that’s okay, mistakes are the greatest lessons we can ever be taught. You can learn more in a second from a mistake than you do in a year at school.
Stop here and take a look back at everything you accomplished to get to where you are right now. You’ve been working hard to tone up. You’ve put a lot of effort in exercising according to your schedule and I’m certain that there have been results that you can show for it, you may not be the shape or the weight you want to be, but you’re closer than you were 6 months ago, right? You made progress. You’re closer to your goal, and you did it in a healthy way! Exercise is awesome! Now, I know the reality. I know people will judge you on how you look, and I know some of it will be horribly rude and will get you in the dumps. You don’t have to pretend it doesn’t bother you. Be true to your feelings, if it bothers you then experience that feeling with your full being. Voice your discontentment. Kick and scream. Do everything you can to fully embody your emotions because that is the only way you’ll ever get over it and only then can you move on and develop into a better person. You’re going to soon be so confident in yourself that it won’t matter what anyone says, they’re just people with opinions. They don’t know you. You know you. Your friends know you. It will become crystal clear in your mind that everyone important to you loves you, and a stranger with an opinion doesn’t matter to you as much as you thought. Yes there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, but maybe instead of focusing on that light alone, you should take a look around and see the torches illuminating your way there too!
Coming to a new city and con are no easy hurdles to get over. Nobody blames you for how you handled it, in fact I’d say you handled it fairly well. New things always have a rough start but when the ball gets rolling you won’t even remember the hardships, only the friendships, and friendships are the best ships. At Otafest we like to have smaller events and stuff throughout the year (when we’re not all killing ourselves over school, that is), so join up on our forums or add me on facebook and I’ll invite you when they happen! I have an army of friends you haven’t met yet waiting for you.
Never forget that we (all of the Otafest staff) are forever proud of you for overcoming all of your personal obstacles and hurdles to get to where you are, and we’re here to support you as you tackle any challenge in the future.
I hope you got some rest after writing your post.